PSA: Flying Etiquette

I have been wanting to write about flying etiquette ever since I started this blog, and somehow I always block out my flying experiences by the time I sit down to put thoughts to paper. I realize that many people fly once or twice a year, or even less in this stellar economy...so for those of you who have forgotten the rules of flying or just need a general brush up in how to not be a moron, here are a few tips.

1) Follow the airline rules. Yeah, I know they suck. But when they say you get one personal item and a small carry-on, that means TWO items. Not three. Certainly not four. Let's use the guy directly in front of me in the security line as an example. He had a wheelie suitcase, a garment bag, and a briefcase. How many items is that? Correct, that is three. How many hands did he have? Two. This dude was like watching a train wreck, but I'll get to that in a minute. He got yelled at by the TSA and had to shove his garment bag into his suitcase because he refused to check it. I bet that shirt is going to come out on the other side looking less than stellar. All because the dude didn't want to spend an additional $20 and 10 minutes to check his bag. Ass.

2) Move. As in, your butt. At any given point, more than 100 people are trying to get through security, so this is not the time to monkey around. Again, I'll use the guy from above as an example. (This guy was really helpful in my blog inspiration today!) First, he had all of the aforementioned "items", plus he took FOUR plastic bins. I had two, and would have had one but the surprisingly friendly TSA guy asked me to put the iPad in its own case. Fair enough. So this dude takes his four bins, puts them on the table and proceeds to NOT MOVE. I mean, he is emptying his pockets, which contained an iPhone, earbuds, wallet, keys, chapstick, and no less than $6 in CHANGE. Best part - he didn't put all of that change in a small bowl, he just dumped it in the big bin. The TSA finally hollers at him to move it already, and his first bin FINALLY goes through only to immediately be rejected because it contains (yup) liquids, gels, and foams in the form of toiletries. Those get tossed after he spends awhile digging them out. That suitcase gets sent through, then his briefcase goes through and gets sent back...and a bottle of water gets pulled out and tossed. At this point, the TSA lady loses it and starts yelling at him. She was unnecessarily harsh to the guy, but he was beyond ridiculous. Did he just wake up this morning, empty some drawers into his bags and say, "I think I am going to get on a plane today"? Be considerate of others and know that if you move quickly, you are helping others move quickly and it is a much less painful experience for all involved.

3) You are not special. Nope. No one cares what you do or who you are in real life. Right now, if you are in row 6 and they are only boarding rows 15-25 - sit down. Don't start a line 30 minutes before actual boarding and create a massive bottleneck. Annoying.
P.S. I have caught two flights where I was literally the last person to board - they were shutting the door behind me, and guess what? My seat was still in the exact place it was supposed to be.